The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
