soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
