I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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