the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
