Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm sobbing to NWA
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
