It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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