so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
