why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
