normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
