what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
