Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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