you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
