I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
