sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
