if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
