What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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