We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
