I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
They took my balls.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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