mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
