Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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