I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
