Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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