giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
