from now on my penis is your penis
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
