are you still at the devil's house?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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