FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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