One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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