Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
