are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
