im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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