God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
