Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
