y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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