i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
