Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
