white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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