I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
