I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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