The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
