I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You were trust falling into bushes
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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