i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
