the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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