I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
