Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
