we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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