Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
