On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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