I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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