U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
