i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
