so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
