Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
