no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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